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Let ’s face it , superheroes can make practically any story more exciting . Sometimes , however , storyteller can go a bit too far when they embellish on a classic story , which is what happened when theHulk ’s psychiatrist Doc Samson settle to iterate the story of Hanukkah – by claiming theAvengerswere there .
For those unfamiliar with the good medico , Doctor Leonard Samson is Bruce Banner ’s psychiatrist and also the recipient of a gamma experiment that imbued him with superhuman strong point and green hair . An of import supporting character during Peter David ’s classic run onThe Incredible Hulk , Samson ’s fictitious character was modernise by David , who established that Doc Samson was one of Marvel ’s Jewish superheroes ( along with The Thing andKitty Pryde ) . This motivated David to pen the story “ Revisionist History ” forMarvel Holiday Special 1992where Doc Samson visits his older Hebrew schoolhouse to separate the children the narration of Hanukkah . alas , things do n’t go quite as he plan …
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Samson ’s tale starts out in a traditional fashion , with him explaining how centuries ago , a group of Jews called the Maccabees were crusade their oppressors in Judea . However , the kids ( who are more concerned in learningwhytheydon’t get a Santa Claus ) start peppering Samson with questions about how the Maccabees can be deliberate soldier if they did n’t have guns . Frustrated , Samson castrate his storey , telling the children that the Maccabeesdidhave giant gun that could knock down building – causing the story ’s creative person to dead redraw the slender Maccabees as Arnold Schwarzenegger - style soldiers complete with sunglasses and ammo belts .
Things only get wild from that point . As Doc Samson struggles to tell the children about the Jews ’ oppressor Antiochus IV , one child necessitate if Antiochus was like Doctor Doom . Inspired , Samson fit that Antiochus IV was in fact the Avengers ’ automatic enemy Ultron ( with Antiochus I - III being the models ahead of him ) . Moreover , he give Antiochus IV an army of evil demons from “ Heck ” who go on to conquer the city of Judea .
Completely bemuse custom and chronicle out the window , Doc Samson set out steal from other laughable leger companies by claiming Judea looked exactly like Krypton . As the kids get more into the story , Samson adds that Captain America , Wolverine , andthe Hulkall fought alongside the Maccabees in their war . He even adds that Captain America took out Goliath ( played by a elephantine Hank Pym in this version ) with his shield .
After the Maccabees defeat Antiochus IV ( by apparently shoot a line him up with a nuclear bomb calorimeter ) , they generate to their synagogue of idols which in this tale is full of delineation of statues ofElvis Presley(as Elvis was the idol of one of the students ’ sire ) . Samson explains that the Maccabees only had enough vegetable oil to illuminate their lamp for one day ( hastily explaining that the Maccabees could n’t use batteries since they were out ) , but the lamp , which was get down by Wolverine , burned for eight whole years .
unluckily , the kids begin adding their own idea to the story at this point , claiming that the personreallyresponsible for the Hanukkah miracle was theHuman Torchwho must have been hiding under the lamp and keeping it get off . When they start claiming the Torch was also responsible for for Moses ’ burn bush , however , Samson finally drop off it and force feeds the kids the taradiddle again in a minatory fashion . As the fry persist in asking why Jewish kids do n’t get a Santa Claus , a disgruntled Samson claims Antiochus IV killed Santa by throw off an incus on him , make the entire form to depart bawl . As he asks the teacher if she ’d like him to repay to talk about Passover , Doc Samson is quickly kicked out of Hebrew school .
According tocomic writer Peter David , “ Revisionist History ” was base on an incident fromhisHebrew schooltime day ( one question howthatstory went ) . To be sure , comic record heroes often function like forward-looking Clarence Day mythologic heroes , but that does n’t mean they always amalgamate well with traditional story . Although one can likely see a Hollywood movie in there somewhere …
Next : Santa Claus Is Real , And He ’s An Omega - stage Mutant
